My work at the hospital has been overwhelming at times and with my personality I am having troubles drawing boundaries and learning to say no. My physical and emotional state are suffering, however, and I have been forced to make some changes. I recently had my annual review, though with very minimal input from the hospital. With the MCC reps I have decided to take Monday and Friday afternoons "off". This really means missing a total of 5 hours a week on the slowest patient times. It will actually just serve as comp time for all the work I do from home on weekends and evenings. We also agreed I will try and find someone to provide me with some spiritual direction.
A friend loaned me a book by Brennan Manning entitled The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus and I have found it a Godsend. I am working my way through a Compassion Fatigue workbook that a visitor from the Meetinghouse BIC church in Canada sent to me. I also just finished The Uncertain Business of Doing Good; Outsiders in Africa, which is a frank discussion of some of the concerns I have about what I am doing here. Africa is a continent that for a long time the West has seen as a place to meddle, be it as colonialists, missionaries, aid workers, entrepreneurs, researchers, scientists or government consultants. Not all consequences of this are good even when intentions may be.
So, this is not to rain down doom and gloom to you all, but only let you in on a little bit of what I have been going through and why posting to the blog has been such a challenge of late. This has been a time of growth for me, just not always so pleasant.
Two recent pleasant things were Easter weekend, a 4 day break from work. After a stressful Holy Thursday when I was told to spend nearly $5,000 before the end of the day (end of the fiscal year in the US where our PMTCT monies come from), I attended Good Friday services. The phone network was down for nearly 48 hours and my internet was down for almost 24 which really only helped me to have a reflective weekend. On Saturday, a whole group of expats hiked to the top of the closest thing we have to a mountain in these parts. Then on Sunday morning we had a sunrise service at the dam followed by brunch. Later in the day after church I got to visit with four young women from Choma (two with MCC and two with BICWM) who had come to Macha for the weekend. Then there was another full day off work.
Just last weekend, MCC held its spring retreat at Lake Kariba. It was almost a full day's drive each way, but our time there (2 days and 3 nights was restful). We even got to swim in the lake which I was told you couldn't do because of crocodiles and bilharzia (a waterborne disease carried by snails). It was nice to see another part of the country.
The rainy season is officially over. The rains ended a bit early this year, so the people who planted late will not have a good crop, but those who planted early will be ok. Everyone is eating mealies (fresh maize on the cob before it has been allowed to dry and harden). I have joined my friend Mulenga and her sister Bwalya (here on school break from university) several nights roasting mealies on the brazier in her back yard.
I now have a fence around my garden and Titus has planted green beans, peas, lima beans, carrots and strawberries so far. He has a nursery going of green peppers, tomatoes and cabbage. Watering is a bit of a trick as right now I only have water in the evenings and he works two mornings a week. I help him out a bit.
I had planned a camping vacation to see some waterfalls in northern Zambia, but not enough people signed up to make it work. So now, at the beginning of May I hope to take a few days at a nearby lodge located in an IBA (Important Birding Area) and conservation area/game farm. Some friends were recently there and highly recommend it.
I include three recent photos of God's amazing creatures. A moth (or butterfly) that spent three days in the same spot on my back porch. My first ever chameleon (Zambians have very strong negative cultural beliefs about chameleons so one has to be careful when wishing to handle them) and a camouflage frog able to turn white. The last two were seen on retreat at Lake Kariba a large lake that was formed when a dam was built in the 50s in order to create hydroelectric power. Tens of thousands of Tonga people were displaced. I read that all the power is sold to Zimbabwe.
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